Don't forget.

Why is it so hard?

Something quite peculiar happened to me yesterday. Well something that shouldn't be strange , but sure is for some people, people like me.

I was talking to a friend of mine on MSN Messenger, or friend? What do you call us?
I don't know why but it feels like we don't have a mutual (tyda.se) friendship. Is it because of the age difference? I've never seen her as so much younger than me, as she actually is. Because she is like the coolest kid I know and we share so many interests together. It might sound odd and it is a bit odd but I love hanging with her and we always come up with crazy things to do, but it seems like there's this constant wall between us. Maybe we both feel a bit awkward because of the age difference or maybe it's all in my head. But why do I feel like I can never get to her, it's like she won't let me. And it seems to me that between her and my (younger) sister things are great, was it easier to accept her?

I've been thinking that, well maybe this is just the way it is. People stay with people in their own age or else it seems weird or even wrong. So hey, stop thinking about the friendship that could have been great. Forget it...

And yesterday I guess I just got annoyed by the way she usually acts; play-ful, open minded and silly. Everything I wish I could be. I snapped. I told her I thought it was annoying her being that way and I tried to be so grown-up and tell her off. I don't know how she really reacted to that but I guess she was crossed, angry. And I felt that she had no right in the world to be cross because I am the one who should be crossed, she was being a baby. And that was the one time I really thought of her in her being younger and being immature.

After a while I figured what a pig-head I've been. And for once in a very long time I felt genuinly sorry for what I've done. I don't regret of what I did, because it really made me realize that it is not so hard to forgive and hope that the other person does the same. It is not that hard..

Why am I always like this? I act like a jerk with people that curious enough likes to be with me. I always do this, notice a person's flaws and keep thinking of that person with that flaw(s). I guess it makes me feel....stronger. It feels like I have that person all figured out and that I'm the one who knows everything.
This is how I destroyed a great friendship in 6th grade and wasn't even aware of it. And I regret it until this very day.....

Don't forget, to forget.