Anyway. That's not what I'm here to write about. I got this letter a couple of days ago:
It's an admission letter from Kalmar Högskola, saying I've been accepted at the course Journalism and Media production (journalistik och medieproduktion). You can't possibly understand how lost I feel right now.
I've been through this before, thinking about whether studying in Kalmar or London. I've been thoruhg this before and I thought I was over it, that I knew that I wanted to go to London. But to be honest I'm not over Kalmar and it became worse knowing I got accepted. I'm really tempted to do that course too. All I can think of right now are all the advantages I'd get from studying in Kalmar.
First off it's in Sweden; I know Swedish, I basically know how everything works here (banking, buy things, insurance etc.) and it's like max. 3 hours from home. Accomodation and living is so much cheaper (talked to an ex classmate who got an apartment in Kalmar for 3600 kr/month, tv,water,internet everything included). All in all I'd feel so much safer (trygg) and calm if I were to study in Kalmar. I know all the advantages for studying in London too, and those are better in the long run I know. But with all the stuff which happened in London, I actually think advantages in Kalmar is overweighting London. I mean when I'm in London I will be a invisible fish in a huge sea. No one will see me, no one will take care of me, there's nothing I can fall back on. I've got everything to lose, most of all economywise.
I hate to say it but if I hadn't paid for my room in London, I would seriously consider to go to Kalmar. I hate that I feel this way, I want to be brave but all I can think about now is how I will fail.
London is a dream, maybe a to big of a dream.
4 comments:
Don't say it like that! You're gonna be fine in London. Yeah you're gonna be there for a while and you'll find out how things work quick enough. I think it if had been me I would've chosen London and gone there completely terrified of what was ahead and I would keep being terrified for a few days and then realise that it's not so bad. At leats that's how I felt when first arriving at my host family's place during my language course :P
I think I am feeling that same fearfulness that you do. But about Japan. I know I wont stay there as long as you will stay in London, but going to Japan has been my dream for almost 5 years and now that it's so close to achievement I'm suddenly terrified. I had such huge expectations on England when going there and I can't help thinking that all my expectations of Japan will fail, just as they did in England... And I'm scared that I wont be able to communicate (you do know English, but hey, you say you're bad at French and you know more French than I know Japanese)... I try to keep telling myself that Japan is after that univeristy course of Japanese and I will know so much more by then, but I'm still scared.
Jobbigt läge! Ibland tänker jag också att jag lika gärna kunde ta en utbildning i lund som förstahandsval. Att kunna bo hemma och slippa betala hyra och allt det där. Fast tänk att du kommer få ut jättemycket av att plugga i London och London har väl varit din dröm väldigt länge eller?
Vi är alla rädda, t.om. jag som endast flyttar till en annan stad i Sverige.
Jag letar lägenheter så gott det går, men inget napp ännu :P Eller ja, rättare sagt studentrum..studentettorna är rätt mkt upptagna. Men ska försöka hitta nåt och bo i tillfälligt i kanske 1-2månader, sen kanske köper lägenhet.
I just did something scary too. I've turned down the history course and reapplied. I've now made a late application, with Literature in Lund as my first choice and Lit in Umeå as my second. And I'm so scared! What if I don't get in now? Even though there is place guarantee in Umeå, I still don't feel so sure about it. But in the end, I want to take Lit, and not history - so therefore I now have to wait until late August for my sentence. I won't even know if I'm moving to Umeå or not until then...
I guess my point is, I could have taken the safe road and said yes to the history course. It's not like I hate history. But I took the risky road, and I know I will feel better for it in the end because it is what I rather want. You should always go for what you rather want, otherwise there is a chance you'll regret it. And if things don't turn out like you thought and you don't like it, well then you tried, right?
re Elin,Carro,Kajsa: Thank you guys so much. This is exactly what I needed. I'm so incredibly glad to have you guys.Thanks a million times! :')
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