That was me done

That's the 27 page dissertation I handed in this Tuesday, right there. Surreal.

Three years - 36 months - 1095 days and now I'm done with university. In fact, I might be done with school forever (please never let me do a masters, please please).

I looked forward to that last day of handing in my dissertation for so long with such an immense loathing of studying I actually thought I would burst into tears once it was all done, but I didn't. Instead I was quite freaked out. Never having to go to school ever again? Never having to study ever again? Studying is all I've ever known, what now? It was like a wish I should've carefully wished for.

As of right now, I'm looking forward to a week and a half holiday back in Swedenland, back to London for a few months of work, graduate from university properly (with gowns, diplomas and all those fancy stuff) in September and then, who knows - might stay in London, might go back to Sweden, might go to China. Who knows.

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it. You know with school, university and getting a degree.

If you haven't gone through university, I'm afraid you can't possibly understand the incredible internal struggle it puts you through. There's not only the physical efforts such as setting aside time and effort to study but the psychological efforts you have to exert just to be able to deal with everything that comes with higher learning.

Believe me, making yourself sit down and study for exams is just one little fraction of that cerebral civil war which constantly goes on in your head.

Not only do you have to exert a ridiculously high amount of (in my case) physiological efforts to be  sociable to fellow students and/or colleagues, you also have to battle with constant pressure to do extra curricular activities to boost your worthless CV. What's most psychologically demanding is however coming to terms with having to deal and produce coursework and exams which demand things you're light years away from being capable to deliver.

The overwhelmingness and feelings of insufficiency (not to mention during a long period of time) beats your brain up. It simply drains you. It drains the hell out of you.

People who don't have a degree survive, right? Despite their obvious disadvantages, they still live on, don't they? Yes, I have the opportunity to get a much better job than they do. But enduring three years of intense psychological battles (which probably will leave me slightly mentally disturbed) to gain a degree from an university that's - let's just say - neither Oxford or Cambridge, just to get this 'opportunity', is it really worth it?